It’s been a while since I played touch football, about 3 years actually. I had been playing touch for about 12 years (almost straight – a 6mth hiatus from a knee reconstruction buggered that up) before leaving for Canada so I was game-fit and knew all the rules very well. Fast forward 3 years and I’m back from Canada, somewhat heavier than when I left and decidedly less fit.
I get an email from good friend Symo saying his team needed another girl to join and would I be able to dust off my touch shoes. Aside from the fact that I had no idea where my touch shoes were or if I even had any touch shoes, what the hell are the rules and where am I going to store the extra tyre I had acquired since being in Canada? The answers; bought new shoes (have they started using the hide from some rare Nepalese yak to make them? Geez they are bloody expensive now), the rules will come back to me (if not through trial and error!) and this will be a great opportunity to start deflating the spare tyre.
Game day attempt 1: Ankle deep water on the fields so games called off.
Game day attempt 2: Severe storm approaching so games called off and Symo is convinced I’ve jinxed the competition.
Game day attempt 3: Success, the weather is fine.
So I shaved down and carbo loaded and put on my brand new, diamond encrusted, Nepalese yak hide touch shoes. The spare tyre was sucked in and if you squinted, I looked like a respectable touch player. Symo had talked up my skill level despite my pleading that he give the team low expectations (very low) especially given the fitness and spare tyre situation. Call me an insufferable marketer but I would rather under-promise and over-deliver than the other way around.
Well I’m proud to announce, the shoes were great (so they should be for the price I paid for them), I remembered most of the rules (kindly helped along by the referee and his dumb arse whistle) and I didn’t spew once despite the considerable desire to. Regardless of the fact that for the following 3 days I required the assistance of a fork lift to get me out of bed and up from chairs due to muscle soreness of the extreme kind, I am very much looking forward to the next game. Luckily the rest of the team is happy to have me onboard. Apparently there’s still some good touch in the old girl yet!
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