Photo by wili hybrid
I know this is probably stating the obvious but I would think that mowing a lawn is a relatively simple task that even a demented lemming could do (not to in any way demean demented lemmings or those who mow lawns for a living for that matter). However, in my world I have a technique where you manoeuvre the mower around the yard in a fashion where your pattern gets smaller and smaller until you reach the middle taking great care to avoid dog bones and small children. Seem simple enough? Well, apparently not.
My partner Chris has a rather more unique way of mowing I like to call the “spaghetti technique” (or the less politically correct, “demented lemming technique”). In this novel approach, he basically weaves his way around the yard in a very random pattern going wherever he likes until he’s finally crisscrossed enough times to have finished the job.
A blade of grass under Chris’ technique would be joyful at the prospect of him mowing due to the very high likelihood of not getting its head cut off. If the unthinkable did happen and it did lose its head, it’s unlikely it would have seen it coming as Chris would have come from a completely unexpected direction. Under my regime they would be shaking in their roots.
Upon research I’ve found this is not an uncommon way to cut grass, although all other specimens found were from my family so it was a small sample size and demented lemmingness does run in our genes.
I’m a Leo. I like efficiency. But I have decided that the lack of efficiency of Chris’ technique is overridden by the fact that I believe watching him mow could very well become a spectator sport. Tickets are $5 each. Bring an esky.
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