A recent conversation with a good friend of mine (Kiles) got me thinking about the power of kindness. I tend to find that being kind is not often something that is top of mind. I mean, we’re usually more concerned with being on time, being a good friend/son/parent/etc, being happy, healthy and wealthy, being organised, being great at our job and a myriad of other “beings”.
It’s easy to be a tad flippant when it comes to being kind, and to show kindness only when the opportunity arises (as opposed to proactive kindness). I’m not saying that most of us aren’t kind people, more that it’s not like you generally wake up in the morning and say, “Today I’m going to be kind!”
During my conversation with Kiles, apart from solving world peace and discovering the meaning of life, we spent the morning reminiscing about times gone by. In particular, times during the D word when I moved out of my home with Mr X and into the sanctuary of Rod and Kiles’ home (I lived with them for roughly 8 weeks and during some of the most painful times of the D word).
Now, I have told Rod and Kiles on a number of occasions how grateful I was for their support, waterproof shoulders, force feeding, love and caring during that time. Truly, there are no words, in the English language at least, that can even come close to conveying just how grateful I was and am.
Offering to bring me, and my accompanying baggage (emotional and otherwise), into their home was a big ask. What Kiles hadn’t realised though, was what a huge impact their small, kind gestures had on me during that time, many of which she had in fact completely forgotten about.
It was the kindness from them and others close to me that helped me get out of bed each day, face the world and keep going, despite the pain I was in. Like the day when Rod picked me (and my baggage) up, a blithering mess, and took me back to their house where he ran me a shower complete with soothing candlelight.
Or the time when my brother Josh bought me a CD he thought might cheer me up a little.
Or the time when Mum made me a cup of tea and Vegemite on toast just so I’d eat something.
Or the time when my dear friend, Kate, paid for me to fly to Darwin where she lives for a couple of days away.
Or the time when Dad wrote a song for me called “Put Back Together Heart”.
Or the time when Kiles sat on the stairs beside me, arm around my shoulders, crying with me for my loss.
There are dozens of other examples I could use. These are just a few.
They were dark times and whilst I never ventured down the precarious path of suicidal thoughts, I could see why people do when the pain is unbearable, especially if they aren’t surrounded by kindness like I was lucky enough to be.
I once heard a story (sorry, can’t remember where) about a victim of domestic violence who was considering taking her life. What stopped her? A simple act of kindness from a complete stranger. All they did was smile kindly at her as they walked by. That was enough for her to change her mind.
Makes you wonder who you’re smiling at and what that smile means to them doesn’t it?
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Sami,
What a wonderful and giving post! Your heart shines in recognizing so much good that came into your life, when you most needed it. And I find that all so, so beautiful… What you see in others, is also what you shine out to the world…a reflection of who YOU are!
Sami,
This post brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad you were surrounded by loved ones who took such good care of you. I’m glad they knew what you needed when you didn’t.
Just from “knowing” you through your blog, I have no doubt that your kindness to others is of the same caliber that was shown to you.
xoxo
@Lance
Thanks Lance, very nice of you to say. Even at the time, I recognised how lucky I was to have so much love and support around me. Don’t know what I would have done without it.
@Kirwin
Hey Kirwin, thanks so much for your lovely comment. Funny you should mention how it brought tears to your eyes, Kiles and I both ended up the same way during our conversation. Whilst I don’t think I could ever fully repay the kindness that was shown to me, I sure try to. xxx
It is so, so very important to recognise and appreciate those friends that have stood by you through the tough times. I think it is all too easy to focus on the friends who don’t support and fall away rather than the amazing ones that do! Such a lovely post with a strong message that we could all do with being reminded of now and then. Bring on being kind to others (even if you don’t know them). Great stuff, thanks!
Smiling is one of the EASIEST things to do to brighten someone’s day, even our own! A long time ago I read that when I’m not feeling great about something I should just smile, and I’d start feeling better.
Sonofagun, it works! It works so well that whenever I do it I end up laughing! My gloom just disappears, and if anyone’s around they’ll ask what’s so funny — shucks, sometimes I’ll tell them and I usually get at least a smile back, sometimes even a chuckle.
I’m smiling as I write this, and I feel GOOD!
Having survived my own “D” word, I can empathize with you, Sami.
There were several people in my life that helped me to see that sun would shine again. One of my friends kept repeating her mantra: The sun will rise again tomorrow.
The kindness of others has, most recently, affected my life in a positive light. All of the kind acts toward me has shifted my thoughts and actions toward others as a result. I feel that I am living a real “pay it forward” life. I appreciate your post and applaud you. Cheers!
@Valeska
Hi Vee, thanks. Yeah, it’s easy to put other less important things ahead of family and friends but that’s exactly what they are, less important! It’s not until the chips are down you really find out who your true friends are. They are the ones who step up. And yep, kindness rocks!
@Jeanne
Hi Jeanne, smiling is free, easy, takes no time to do and can make someone’s day. There aren’t too many other things that can do all of that! I’m gonna give your “smiling to make you feel better” idea a go – love it! Thanks.
@Lori
Hey Lori, seeing as you’ve been through the D word, you’d know exactly what I’m talking about eh? “This too shall pass” was another mantra someone told me that’s along similar lines. It doesn’t seem like it at the time, but it does pass and the sun does rise again.
I TOTALLY hear you on living a “pay it forward life”. I very much feel that’s what the rest of my life will be about too. Applauding you right back by the way!
Sami, I love this post. Kindness really CAN save a life. It seems crazy to think that a kind word or act can have that much of an effect, but it really, really can.
This was a beautiful post, Sami. Beautiful for its content … and beautifully written. I’ve been reminded of the value of kindness myself recently and want to find ways in my own life to practice it more. I witness my fiance living it out constantly: he’s one of the kindest people I know. But I have not become so adept … yet.
Thank you for a reminder that is in sync with other aspects of my life at the moment.
You are a beautiful soul. And you are blessed.
@Positively Present
Hi PP, thanks. Yep, I’m living proof what a huge impact a bit of kindness can make. Hope you’re having heaps of fun on your trip!
@Chania Girl
Thanks so much for your lovely comment CG. It’s appreciated. My partner is a kind soul too. I’ve learnt a lot from him. I said to him very early on in the piece that when I met him I thought he had kind eyes – I was right.