Hi, my name is Sami and I’m a Perfectionaholic. Actually, I’m a recovering perfectionaholic. Now, I know with an addiction you’re supposed to take responsibility and not lay blame. Bugger that. I blame my Type A personality!
According to Wikipedia, “Type A individuals can be described as impatient, excessively time-conscious, insecure about their status, highly competitive, hostile and aggressive, and incapable of relaxation. They are often high achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about the smallest of delays. Because of these characteristics, Type A individuals are often described as “stress junkies.” Type B individuals, in contrast, are described as patient, relaxed, and easy-going.”
Lucky me.
If you asked any of my family members they would tell you that I could organise the hell out of walking to the letterbox to get the mail, I have no problem creating lists for lists and I can be, shall we say, a teeny weeny bit wired and a smidgey widgey bit testy if I don’t get my way. I’ll plead the 5th.
At least I don’t spend half an hour EVERY SINGLE BLOODY DAY looking for my keys that are NEVER in the same place and are likely to be hiding under one of the SEVERAL piles of paper strewn without regard around the house. Mum/Dad, does this sound familiar?
OK, now breeeeeathe. In with peace, out with impatience, insecurity and hostility. How’d I end up being Type A anyway?
Right, so, funnily enough, I’m not that keen on being an impatient, insecure, hostile, Type A perfectionist so in the last few years I’ve been practising being more zen-like and less of a perfectionist. Without further ado, let me present the quick way I have found to beating perfectionism…
Practise being imperfect.
Please hold your applause.
At first glance, this may seem overly simplistic but let me tell you, if you’re a perfectionist (recovering or otherwise), this is not always easy to do and can feel extremely uncomfortable. We are used to having all our ducks in a row and if one waddles out of the line, we generally give it a swift talking to and impress upon it that it would be an exceedingly good idea that it get the hell back into line. For a perfectionist, it takes an immense amount of control to let the little bugger wander out of line and wherever he wants.
Like anything though, I’ve found practising imperfection has gotten easier and now feels much more comfortable. Simple ways I’ve done this include; leaving the bed unmade over the weekend [gasp], letting go of routinely doing the housework every week [how could you?], leaving the dishes overnight [that's despicable!], not completely clearing my email inbox every day [what is wrong with you?], practising deep breathing when I’m being held up [what the?] and leaving the house without wearing make up [now you've just gone too far!].
I’m not perfect (pun intended). I still have days where that duck is getting back into its row whether it likes it or not and I don’t care if it needs to go to the toilet, but for the most part, I’m starting to find a good balance. Besides, the rewards of imperfection are too huge to ignore; freedom, more peace, more time, more reasonable expectation levels, less pressure and more opportunities to focus on what’s really important. I don’t know about you but I’d rather be remembered for spending quality time with those I care about rather than always having a clean house or empty email inbox.
How about you? Do you struggle with perfectionism or do you have any suggestions for us recovering perfectionists?
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Oh my goodness, it sounds like you are writing about me…hehe… But I too am working on it! It is a daily struggle to allow imperfections in, but I agree it is sooo worth it. Having high expectations of others, and even more so yourself, is not helpful to anyone especially yourself. It is nice to know there are others out there like me. Thanks!
Hi Sami,
What a fun read!
Me? I’m most definitely a Type B personality. And to a degree, I can be “too” relaxed sometimes. So, don’t discount some of the qualities of the Type A personality – there are certainly times I wished I was more aggressive and competitive.
Regarding perfection, I like to tell myself – that what I think is perfect is not what someone else will think is perfect – or maybe even more relevant – we’ll never please everyone. This helps me in letting go and moving on – telling myself it’s ‘good enough’. Sometimes I may strive to get closer to perfection, depending upon what I’m doing – the thing is though, that I don’t think perfection is a state we can ever reach…
I’m applauding this perfect – oops, I mean near perfect – post!
GREAT POST!!! I am also Type A (lucky me too!) and I really do need to practice being imperfect. (This doesnt’ mean I’m perfect, but I’m always striving to be.) It’s okay to let things go (a little) and relax. This isn’t easy for us Type A-ers, but I think, after reading this inspiring post, it’s possible. Thanks for writing this!
Hey Valeska,
It’s the high expectations, as you say, of others and yourself that is the real challenge. It’s sometimes quite difficult to just let go, relax and not expect so much. When you think about it, it’s really pretty arrogant! When you do let go of expectations though, life is much more fun, peaceful and easier on yourself and others.
Hi Lance,
Haha! What do you mean “near perfect post”!!? Don’t you realise I read over it 4000 times to ensure it’s perfectness?
Very good point re not discounting some of the qualities of a Type A personality. In my opinion, the ideal is to be somewhere in the middle and have a good balance of both Type A and Type B traits. I think we’ll always skew one way but we could definitely integrate some of the positive aspects of the other Type.
Love the “good enough” comment. I’ve actually brought that into my own vocabulary. It’s very handy for when I’m getting a bit obsessive! Thanks Lance, now stop relaxing and DO something (maybe go find your keys)!!
Hi Positively Present,
It definitely is possible to let go of the perfectionism. It takes practise but after a while it becomes more of a habit and the rewards start to kick in so it’s easier. Thanks PP. You’re welcome!
Ahh, a fellow Type A eh? I feel your pain.
I’ve always described myself as Type A, but judging by Wikipedia’s definition, I’m somewhat of both. I would say that I have very high expectations of myself (thus, striving for perfection) but I have a lot more patience with others. Basically, I’m treat others nicer than I treat myself.
I’ve always liked the phrase “Excellence over perfection”, but it’s always a struggle to remind myself of it.
Hey Kirwin,
I’d like to think I’m more of both myself these days. My family has commented on how I’m a lot more relaxed than I used to be. I like “excellence over perfection”. Also really like Lance’s “good enough”. I’ve been using that quite a bit. Most of the time, “good enough” really is good enough.
What helped me the most was to think of perfection as a journey not a destination … and to version perfection over time.
It’s a process of failing forward, carry the good forward, and finding the lessons as I go.
I also think of it as an adjustable bar … lower it enough to be “good enough for now” and continue to raise your bar as you go. It’s growth.
Hi J.D.
Great way to look at it. It really is a process. I love the idea of an adjustable bar too. I think the bar could also be set according to the task at hand. If it’s something you want to excel at and is important then raise the bar. If it’s something that’s not that important than lower it. Thanks very much for your thoughts and for stopping by.
Well dern… I thought I was going to the B-side but that Wiki description hits a little too close to home. You know what really gets me? Feeling time-pressured. It disappeared on a recent vacation, so I KNOW I can improve. I’ll look for ways to practice imperfection
And thanks for the laughs… you have a great humor in your writing!
Hi Ann Elise,
Haha, yep, I felt the same when I read the description. Damn you Type A Wiki description! I agree re the time pressure thing. That’s when not so relaxed Sami comes out. Good luck with practising imperfection and thanks for your lovely comments.
Hey Sami,
Have you seen my keys?? I’ve been wandering around aimlessly for the last day, kind of looking for them…
Lance, you totally crack me up! By the way, in the time it’s taken for you to find your keys, I’ve written a book, built a house and fed an entire Ethiopian village. Just so you know.
lol…ahhh another one!! I’m also a recovering perfectionist. I’ll do the thing where I have my day planned and something goes off and therefor ‘ruins’ the whole day and I screw it and eat a cake. (well, not all of one).
you get the idea…lol.
I’ve been practicing being imperfect lately too and it getting easier. I find if I can stop the crazy perfectionist self talk before it gets started, the practicing is easier.
love your blog! thanks for stopping by mine!
Hey Brandi,
Haha! I SO know what you mean by the “screw it and eat cake” thing. I’m obsessed with cake too which doesn’t help! Hmmm, cutting the crazy perfectionist self talk off at the pass. I like it. I’m gonna give it a go.
Love your blog too – should be more of it me thinks! Thanks for visiting.
hahaha
great article
I can definitely relate
as I’m also a recovering perfectionist
some days I’m great at it
but there’s just some days where the little things
sneak up on me and…well you know the story
ps its the same joverine from Yaro’s blog mastermind
thought I’d stop by to see your blog-glad I did
joe
Hey Joe,
I thought I recognised the name! Thanks for stopping by. There’s a few of us recovering perfectionists. Not an easy habit to break but it can be done so long as we’re OK with the occasional regression!