OK peeps, this the last installment of how I survived the D word. And this is where the fun begins (thank god!).
Part 1 outlined the 3 phases immediately following the crisis and in Part 2, I gave you insight into how I made it through. Now for the Reality Bites phase where I came to accept the situation and begin a new life…
Reality Bites Recovery
I was pretty much dragged kicking and screaming into this phase, but there comes a time in any crisis when you have to stop fighting the situation and just accept that it’s happened, there’s nothing you can do about it and it’s time to move on.
To stop fighting the situation, I made the decision to move out of our home and in with friends. My reasoning behind this was twofold; 1. I needed to protect myself by living in a more nurturing, loving and peaceful environment and 2. To give Mr X space in the hope that he’d decide to continue with our marriage.
It’s at this point I will acknowledge Rod and Kiles, my great friends who opened their home to me during less than stellar times and also happen to be wingless Earth angels.
Part of accepting the experience for me was to be grateful for what I did have and to find the humour regardless. Neither of which were particularly easy given the circumstances but possible nonetheless.
To help with gratitude and to re-focus my mind on what was going right, I began a gratitude journal. Each day I’d find at least 3 things to be grateful for (often it was more) and before going to sleep at night, I’d add them to the journal. It worked wonders.
As for finding humour, I didn’t have to look far. Living with Rod and Kiles provided all the humour I needed. One night while watching a travel show called Getaway, I made the not so intelligent comment of, “If the next segment is on Canada I’ll do a nudie run.” Rod and Kiles endorsed the idea, and a little too enthusiastically too I might add.
Getaway Reporter: “Welcome back. Here we are in downtown Vancouver, one of the world’s most livable cities.”
Sami: “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!”
Rod & Kiles: AHHHHHH Hahahahahahahahaha! Nudie run! Nudie run! Nudie run! Nudie run! Nudie run!
Revenge was sweet, the following week Rod chose Thailand and sure enough, on came a segment on Bangkok (luckily he didn’t bang his on his lap around the lounge room). Kiles never did partake in a nudie run, mainly because she kept choosing places like the Republic of Congo.
Whilst there wasn’t anything I could do about the situation I found myself in, I could choose how I responded to it. This was brought home to me when my Dad said, “The only revenge is to live well.” Really? That’s the only revenge? Couldn’t I just add a little skunk juice to his shampoo? No? What about a giant picture of him in his undies on a billboard? Still no? Hit-man? OK, adamant no. Alrighty then, living well it is.
It was with Dad’s words ringing in my head I made the decision to move to Canada. And so a new chapter began.
I was up against it when it came to moving to Canada; Very little money, even less idea of where I’d live and no contacts. Add to that, my apparent elderly status of 33 years old according to Immigration, meaning I was too old for the working holiday visa and had to be sponsored. This required a company offering me a job without a visa in the hopes the visa would actually come through.
As so often happens in life when you’re on the right path though, the planets aligned…
I received a big enough tax cheque to cover the flights and a bit of travel. Money – check.
Came into Banff, Canada, on a tour, fell in love with the place and didn’t leave. Place to live – check.
Lived in a hostel for about 8 weeks and met many locals and travellers alike. Contacts – check.
Applied for a job with a tour company, neglected to mention I was sans a visa, sweet talked my way into a job, spent 4 months working for cash (don’t tell anyone) whilst waiting for the ever efficient Canadian Government to process my visa. Visa – check. Legal job – check.
The pic at the beginning of this post is a shot of Chris, my new soul mate who I met during my time in Banff (and who also happens to be Australian – go figure) and myself at the summit of Cascade Mountain, one of Banff’s most beautiful. A fitting image for the end of this series me thinks.
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Sami, this whole series has been awesome to read. I love the part about a new chapter beginning. So awesome!!
Hi Sami,
I just read the whole series and I loved it. How wonderful to meet your new soul mate in Canada. Kind of cool how you had to go all the way there to meet someone from Australia.
You are so right, when you are on the right path, the planets align. I love when that happens.
I am glad you managed to survive such a transition and how you were able to have such awesome support. Life has a weird way of taking us places in ways we never imagined.
Hope all is awesome!
Hey — Vancouver has Wreck Beach — I tanned “all over” there in ’86. Talk about a nudie run.
I love what you say about getting to a refuge where you were in a “nurturing, loving and peaceful environment” That’s not a privilege Sami, it’s a right!!!
I do a gratitude journal (kind of) in my head, I think I’ll start writing it down.
Blessings!!
Vancouver – Bangkok – Republic of Congo – Laughing My Ass Off!
Sami, you are a riot.
I love the parting shot!
This series blew me away, girl. Swapping places, a few events, and personnel, it could’ve been my story, too. I’m going to write to Oprah now… (maybe I can help you with your #25?).
@Positively Present
Thanks very much PP. Yes, the new chapter was the easiest part of the whole series to write!
@Nadia
Hey Nadia. Thanks very much. It’s actually not such a surprise that I met an Australian in Banff. Banff seems to attract a lot of Australians. It’s a running joke over there how Aussies are taking over and it’s a case of spot the Canadian! Still it’s pretty ironic that I found Chris half way across the planet from where we both come from.
Synchronicity rocks! I love it when it happens too. And yes, sometimes life throws a curve ball. It’s a matter of diving for it, dusting yourself off and running with it!
@Jannie
Hey there Jannie. Tanning “all over”…in PUBLIC…now THAT’S a nudie run! Kudos to you.
You’re so right Jannie. A nurturing, loving and peaceful environment is a right. I was lucky I had somewhere I could go that provided it. And yes, I can highly recommend writing down what you’re grateful for. Thanks for stopping by!
@Lori
YES, YES, WRITE TO OPRAH! I need to cross off #25 and don’t want to be thrown in jail for stalking!
Hey Nudie Girl,
So…do you still play this crazy game????
Ha!!
A fitting image at the top, no doubt. As rough as certain moments can seem, there’s a silver lining there…and I really believe that’s because of your attitude (and your dad’s advice) – to live a good life! You are, Sami! You shine! And this whole series is such a great example of you keeping on shining, even when it can be hard to do that.
Keep on being you, keep on doing wild and crazy things, and keep on really “living” your life!
Live well.
Man, what a great series of posts, Sami.
You take living well up a notch, my dear!
(Tho’ I was sort of disappointed that you didn’t try the skunk juice….)
What’s wrong with the Republic of Congo?
)
You’ve recovered with flying colours Sammy. A credit to you, lovey.
Hey Sami
Even though we’re related I never knew the ins and outs (or there abouts) of the story. I’m not one to pry and I figured you had other people to talk to anyway. My contribution was simply attending your welcome home shin-dig, drinking a lot, and providing a boyfriend who had the balls (and alcohol intake) to jump on his in-laws’ horse without any saddle, and yelling “look at me, look at me!” Ahh family dos!
I must say though that I find the most amazing part to be the fact that you opened your heart again to Chris – this is the best revenge I think. You put yourself out there again and its paid dividends. Kudos to you Sam – you’re on the money! I also will write to Oprah!
xxxx
@Lance
Hey Lance! Nah, my nudie run days were short lived. Haven’t done any since. Flashdancing is what I do now, clothed Flashdancing.
So true, there’s always a silver lining. It’s sometimes not always easy to see but it’s always there.
Some days it was hard to “live well” but I did the best I could – that’s really all you can do. Thanks Lance!
@Gayze
Thanks Gayze, appreciate it. I know, the skunk juice could have been kinda funny, although we don’t have skunks over here so attaining said skunk juice would have been a mission!
@Kiles
Nothing, if you haven’t got nudie run ticker!
Couldn’t have done it without you guys. xxx
@Katie
Hey Katie. You know, just being around family (like you guys) and friends who cared and who I knew loved me was a huge help in itself. And of course the laughs that you and Nelson provided back then were some of the best kind of medicine.
It’s funny, I’m not sure why but I never had an issue trusting and loving someone again. I really thought I would but I didn’t. It could have been the fact that Chris had had his heart broken too so I figured he knew how shit it is and wouldn’t be in a hurry to do it to someone else. Regardless, I’m glad I didn’t worry about history repeating.
Yay, 2 letters to Oprah!! She’s gonna have me on her show for sure now! xxx
Sami, I’m a wildlife rehabilitator and my close friend/the director of the center where I volunteer has a rabies vector species license. Come next summer I can get you all the skunk juice you want. LOL Now, getting it through customs might be a tricky bit….
@Gayze
Gayze, how I wished I’d known you back then. A ready supply of skunk juice!